Questionable Advertising Mondays: MEN! Am I Right?

This week's questionable advertising is for Wrangler Jeans and it comes from the advertisement agency La Comunidad in Buenos Aires, Argentina.

You know when me talk about how men are discriminated against, but then go on to list things like "I can't get a drink by showing some leg" or "I don't get the door opened for me" and the like?

Well, men, these ads are the kind of thing you should be crying out against instead.


I mean just look:

Childish!

Disgusting!

Lazy!

Men! Amirite?

It's not like these ads are any less damaging then ones that tell women they are only homemakers, bitches and sluts. I mean really, think about it. Would you want someone to look at you and think, "God, what a lazy pig!" or "It's like you're a child!"?

I didn't think so.

Everyday advertisements portray men as pseudo-baby pigs and it's kind of getting old, especially with the renewal of the term "real man" or "real men." Like other than physically being male is not enough. (Hint: if you can be "real" than it's not natural)

This ad's slogan is "Returning Man to His Place." Now think about that for a second. What if this ad depicted a women cleaning a house or making dinner and the slogan was "Returning Woman to Her Place?" We'd be up in arms! That's bullshit and we know it, so then why aren't men getting pissed off when the media portrays them as barely sentient slobs who aren't even capable of buying a table (or making one)?

It's because these ads are all about the domestic sphere, that magical place where men can't do anything right. Underneath all this talk of manly men is another more sinister message that says, "this is women's work." Men can't clean or do laundry, that's women's work. Men can't properly take care of their pets, that's women's work. Men can't buy furniture (that's not electronic in some way), that's women's work.

People still believe this crap, and it is such crap. Men still say things like "I can't help myself" or "I'm supposed to be dirty." Really? Why? Because women are supposed to do it for you?

These ads are horrible, because in one fell swoop they managed to portray sexist attitudes against both men and women.

Men are pigs! Women you need to take care of them!
Now make me a sandwich!

Gifts and Examining Friendships During the Holidays

Ah Christmas time! It's a time for friends and family. It's also a great time to take a close look at your relationships.

We've all heard that what you give and what you get can have an impact on your relationship. We've also all been told that judging relationships on the presents you get is shallow. This is true, but only to an extent.

If you decide a friendship isn't working because a gift wasn't flashy or expensive enough then yes, you're being shallow, but if you feel like no thought was put into a gift then listen to that feeling.

The real judge of a friendship has nothing to do with the niceness/expensiveness of a gift, but rather with the thoughtfulness of the gift.

Case and point:
I knew a girl, we'll call Sally, who had an incident a few years ago. Sally spent a few days putting together a gift basket for her best friend since highschool, Katie. It didn't cost much to make, but Sally personally knew that her friend would like everything in it.

Then comes the gift exchange. Katie loves the gift basket, and Sally unwraps her gift to find...a one-of-a-million Christmas mug filled with no-name chocolates.

It's something you would expect from someone who barely knows you, not a best friend. Worse, Sally hates holiday mugs/dishes, something a best friend should know. Sally was hurt because it became clear to her that, dispite what she thought, Katie wasn't a very good friend.

The issue is, no matter what you're given, if there's no thought put into the gift you're going to feel disappointed. Worse, if you've put lots of thought into their gift then you're going to feel really hurt.

Despite how we're told not judge a person based on the gifts they give we do and it's not always a bad thing.

The deepness of our friendships can be reflected in the gifts we are given. It can also be a good indicator if the relationship is uneven. As in the example above it was clear that Sally thought more of their friendship than Katie did. It's obvious that they are not on the same page.

So when this happens we need to take a step back and think, "is this typical?" If it is, if your friend is more likely to take than give, then the relationship needs to be re-examined. It makes no sense to invest so much emotionaly in a friend when there's no return.

This may seem shallow, but it's not. Because, it's not the gift that's the problem it's the person behind it. If Sally was a collector of Christmas stuff then the mug would have been perfect, because it's something she likes and Katie would have picked it out for that reason. But Sally hates that kind of thing and has talked about it with Katie before, that means that not only does Katie not have any idea what Sally likes, but she doesn't even listen to what Sally hates. It shows a lazieness on Katie's part and a lack of concideration.

Watching for the signs of a bad friendship is not shallow because no one deserves to be in an unequal friendship.

I'm not saying you need to dump someone over a bad gift, but that you need to think about how it made you feel. If the gift made you feel uncared for then concider if the relationship is has the same problem.

If you find that there is a problem then you need to do something about it. Sometimes it means putting less into a relationship. Sometimes it means distancing yourself. And sometimes it means talking about it to your friend.

There is a flip side. Sometimes you can get a really thoughtful gift, but you barely know the person. This can also be a warning sign that this person is more invested in you then you are ready for.

If you haven't known someone for a very long time and they give you a DVD box set of your favorite show, when you were only thinking about getting them a card, then you need to consider how you feel about this person.

After receiving the gift, instead of immediately running out and buying something expensive to reciprocate, think about it. If you like them and think you could be friends with them, then find something you think they would like.

However, if the idea of spending time with them makes your skin crawl or makes warning lights go off, distance yourself. Return the gift, explaining that you don't feel right accepting it. Make it clear to them that they have gone beyond your comfort zone, and if they try to guilt you ignore it. Don't let people guilt you into action. We all need to stay far, far away from those kind of people.

Now I'll leave you with a few gift ideas and tips for this winter holiday season:

Co-Workers (CW):

I tend to become friends-friends with the people I like from work so they get gifts. But if you have team-mates or a boss you want to give something to, make it a nice card or give them some good quality candy/nuts/chocolate.

Brand New Friends (BNF):

It's likely you don't know much about them yet so anything home made like cards or baked goods is a good idea. If you're not very domestic then buy something small (under $20) that you think they will like.

Can't find anything you think they'll like? Then share your interests. If you like green living get them a book about it, if you love local art get them a cheep print, and so on. Tell them about how you like X and say you wanted to share it with them. It may not be their taste, but they'll like that you're sharing your interests with them.

Old Friends (OF):

It seems like a no brainer. Just get them something they'll like, but with the recession things can be tight and you can't always get them what you want to. So instead of just grabing them a box of chocolates here are some ideas for the financially-impaired:

-Holiday Card list: Make a print, buy some nice blank cards, or get some stationary. Write a letter/note to your friends. It doesn't cost much and it's a super nice sentiment.

-Invite over for dinner. Feeding someone always will put you in their good books.

-Make something like an ornament or scarf. Anything that smacks of effort is a winner.

-Call them, they are your friends after all. They do like to talk to you.

So this holiday take the time to think about your friends, but also accept that gifts say more than the obvious. Don't supress your feelings, it's not being selfish when you recive a gift that seems thoughtless and you feel hurt, it's seeing a warning sign. In the long run it's better to really look at how healthy your relationships are and deal with them when they're not.

Employment scams while on the job hunt

I am in the midst of a career change to marketing, which means I'm looking at a lot entry-level job postings. Problem is most of these postings are less about marketing and communications and more about cold calling and door to door work. Most of these places don't even offer wages, just commission which is BS.

The up side is that these companies are often terrible at hiding how sketchy they are. Still even those who ignore the "WORK ATH OME FOR BIGG BUKxS!!!!" ads can still get sucked in by mildly legit looking places, often disguising themselves as "start-up business."

To help out all those job seekers out there I'm going to give you a few tips based on my own horrible experiences:

1. Check the Website:
If it looks less than professional, is missing a lot of company information, or just plain doesn't exist don't even bother applying. You are only going to end up wasting your time and money showing up for an interview.

2. Check the job description *thoroughly*:
If it's really vague, short, or uninformative as to the job requirements it might be a scam, If it promises a chance for unqualified people it's probably a scam. If the grammar, spelling and font is terrible or all over the place it's definitely a scam.

Real companies take the time to properly write out a job post. It's the fly-by nights or the places with huge turn over that don't bother so you shouldn't either.

3. They call you immediately:
Most legit companies do hiring in blocks and often it can take a few days to a few weeks before you hear back from them. This is often because they first accept the applications, review the applications and then start scheduling interviews. This takes time, so when a company calls or emails me right away up to two days after I have sent in an application I get suspicious and every time my suspicions have been confirmed.

A company that calls you right away normally isn't very picky about who they hire because they know it's a crap job with horrible conditions. Now do you really want to work for a company that knows you're going to leave them within a few weeks or months? Not really.

4. They won't tell you what your job entails:
If you do go to an interview ask this question: "what would I be doing for the company?" If they give you a crap line that doesn't sound like a job description ask them: "What are the exact duties this job requires?" if they still don't tell you, thank them for their time and leave because no reputable company is going to refuse to tell you what your job is.

Do this especially if they are asking you to come in for a second interview. An interview is not just about you getting a job, but about you finding a place you want to work. If you don't even know what your job will be how can you decide if this is the place for you? Companies that do this are preying on people who are desperately looking for work. They will either get your labour for free or they'll charge you to "sell" their product.

They won't tell you what you'll do? Just walk away.

5. Even after getting a job offer they refuse to discuss wages:
This is a big red flag! If you've gone through everything and it all seemed up and up this little sign means big problems. Once a company has offered you a job you are entitled to know the terms of employment. Which means there's no reason for them to refuse discussing things like hours, benefits and wages. If they refuse to give you information via email thank them for the offer and decline. If they say you need to come in for an info session first thank them for the offer and decline.

A place like that is just screaming they're going to take advantage of you.


There's lots of other things you can do, but if you keep these in mind you'll save yourself some time and money that would otherwise be wasted.

Sorry!

Sorry about not posting very much this week.
I got some distressing news earlier this week and I haven't been able to post.
I will be back Monday with a new questionable ad!

Questionable Advertising Monday: Pedo Sun

This week's questionable advertising is for Roc sun screen and comes from the advertisement agency DDB in Milan, Italy.

It's not the usual questionable depiction one is used to in advertisements where ad agencies seem to have forgotten it is not still 1953. No, this one is...





apparently implying that the sun is some kind of child molester.

There is really no other way to look at it. This isn't a depiction where the sun is physically harming children or acting like some kind of bully. No, these ads depict a rather predatory looking sun offering two children toys as some kind of incentive to get closer.

But the toys alone aren't really enough to ruin this ad for me. Rather, it's the way the sun looks at the audience with a sort of knowing grin. It's just unsettling.

I suppose the ad is successful in that it depicts how a sunny day can tempt children outside regardless of the possible harm of UV rays, but I'd rather not imagine the sun then trying to play a game of "hide the pickle" afterwards.

The ad's slogan is “protect them from sun,” but god if I don't read it as "never let them outside again."

Awesome Book Review Friday: Fun Home (A Family Tragicomic)

This week's book is Alison Bechdel's Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic. It's a graphic novel, but that doesn't change the fact that it is a worthwhile read.



Alison Bechdel, the writer and illustrator of "Dyke's to Watch Out For," paints the story of her childhood, more specifically the relationship between herself and her father, while using her childhood home as a frame. She writes in a liner and yet non-liner fashion. Some chapters start at the beginning of one point and then end, while other are turned inside out starting at the end, returning to the beginning and then continuing on back to the end. The result is a beautiful, honest and painful autobiography.

Alison narrates the story as an adult giving new insight into her childhood relationships. It is by no means a fun or easy story to read, as there are clear and painful scars that she carries, but it is an insightful tale of a girl growing up with a closeted and abusive father and becoming a woman who comes to terms with her own sexuality.

It is an important book because it unflinchingly looks at issues many wish childhood didn't include such as sexuality, gender restraints, masturbation, abuse and suicide. Even more importantly it examins the ways we begin to realise as we grow up that our parents are people and have lives and feelings we can not comprehend. Alison Bechdel exposes her difficult childhood and it is a potent reminder that childhood isn't anything like how we depict it. That it is a difficult and scary time, but it is also the time that helped us to become who we are.

This book is a definite read, despite all the sadness it leaves you with the positive message that you will overcome all this, and you will be better for it.

Will We Stand By While Ignorance Carries On?

The report about the Dove World Outreach Center in Gainesville, Florida planning to burn copies of the Qur’an has upset me because I see in these small minded people the same dangerous hate that Ray Bradbury in “Fahrenheit 451” and Orwell in “Nineteen Eighty-Four” warned us about. As a free country the United States enjoys the freedom of speech, but like all things actions, and speech, still comes with consequences. The freedom of speech gives you the right to speak your mind in a public it is quite literally the right to hold opinions without interference. It is the right to freedom of expression. It is not however carte blanch to extol hate without reserve or consequence.

Book burning is one of my great hates, right up there with destruction of art. It is truly the worst forms of censorship and most extreme demonstrations of ignorance that man has ever conceived. This is not the freedom of expression, but rather the repression of expression. I’m not going to go into how the Dove World Outreach Center is justifying their actions, you can check their 10 Reasons to Burn a Koran(sic) if you really want to. However, I don’t want to argue with this church or prove how wrong their reasons are. We already know that no matter the reason their actions come from a place of hatred and ignorance, expanding on the specifics won’t change anything.

No, what really needs to be discussed is how many people and religious institutions are taking this opportunity to fight hate and ignorance with love and understanding. As this small church prepares to become the figurative “firemen” of “Fahrenheit 451” larger Christian churches and Jewish temples are planning to read parts of the Qur’an this weekend to promote understanding and acceptance. I am proud that so many have responded to this act of hate with strong feelings and actions to the contrary. It gives me hope that the world takes a step closer to being a better place.

Questionable Advertising Monday: Gender Status Quo

Ah, advertising. It permeates every part of almost every society, from food to politics. We can't get away from it. It also happens to be one of the greatest perpetrators of racism and sexism. Unfortunately even in the twenty-first century still many a good advertising company has created one or two questionable ads.

This week’s ad is “Growing Up Is...” for Nesquik and it comes from the McCann Erickson agency in Portugal.

It’s a rather banal ad for the Nestlé product, but it's…

Well, see for yourself.






There is nothing obviously offensive about the ad, which makes sense as it is aimed at parents, but then there's nothing contemporary about it either. At best it is a lazy attempt to portray male and female children. At worst it is another reinforcement of the same old gender roles. Not only is the imagery sexist, but in the bottom corner of each ad is a list of what “Growing Up Is…” for each sex. Girls get the usual princessy type stuff: caring for animals, kissing, and cake while boys get the usual manly type stuff: space ships, aliens, and …eating dog food? So according to this ad girls are princesses and boys are “special.”

I find it exasperating that this agency couldn’t move beyond breaking children down into their pre-assigned gender roles. Maybe they would have been better off sticking with the bunny.

Awesome Book Review Friday: Pink Brain, Blue Brain

Because a little literature can go a long way I will be posting a review of an awesome book every Friday.



This week's book is "Pink Brain, Blue Brain: How Small Differences Grow Into Troublesome Gaps And What We Can Do About It" by neuroscientist Lise Eliot.

It's a non-fiction book that explores, and disproves, the science of proving gender exists naturally. The chapters are separated by childhood development, starting at birth and finishing at teenage hood.

It would have been enough for Eliot to simply disprove the studies or expose the misinformation, but she takes it a step further. At the end of every chapter is a break-down of how you as a parent or teacher can actually work to help children develop without the constraints of genderization.

My favorite example of this is in the beginning chapters of the book where Eliot exposes the myth that gender can be effected through superficial means, such as toys or clothes. She gives the example of giving dolls to boys and trucks to girls. She points out that this method is doomed from the start because it doesn't address the real problem. Worst it often leads parents to believe that gender is natural.

Instead of simply swapping genderized items, Eliot suggests that parents should first focus on what each sex lacks due to gender constraints. For example she points out that girls rarely get to develop their spacial abilities while boys rarely get to develop their nurturing abilities. If a parent really wanted to help their children overcome gender barriers they would instead give their girls building toys, like Lego or K'Nex, and allow their boys to care for a small animal.

At times with Eliot's scientific approach to the source material the chapters can seem overwhelming. However, it is well worth giving this book a read through. I found that while I may not always understand the studies she discuses in the chapters, there is more than enough information and instruction at the end of each chapter to make up for it.

If you are a parent, teacher, gender studies student, or you just care about breaking gender barriers, Lise Eliot's "Pink Brain, Blue Brain" is read worth picking up.

The Problem With Unpaid Internships

There has been a huge stir lately in America over the legality of unpaid internships. It has been great for the discourse and all sorts of discussions are popping up. (Check out the response to the Times article on unpaid internships at Cartoon Brew and the subsequent comments underneath.) The biggest debate that has come out of this is whether or not the internships are worth it. This isn't really the issue, since the real problem is that unpaid internships are slave labour. I feel that most commentators who are in favor of unpaid internships ignore a very important point which is: "What will this cost YOU? What will this cost OTHERS?"

In every case the ones who enjoyed an unpaid internship, by their own admission, were only working for a short time (doing things they enjoyed or were at least relevant) and soon received a paying job. I have to guess that it did not cost them much since they never discuss how tight things were. It is easy to see why they would paint all internships with the same rose coloured brush. But it also means that they have not even considered their own privilege when taking this kind of work.

What sets volunteer work apart from unpaid internships is access. As a volunteer I don't need to have previous experience or a degree and I get to set my hours. As an unpaid intern I am required to have qualifications and I am performing a job that should be paid. Already anyone who doesn't have the support to afford to work for free is excluded, because they would not be allowed to work AND have the internship.

A lot of what I'm hearing in defense of unpaid internships is something akin to fear mongering. It's a lot of "But if you don't take this job you may NEVER get a job anywhere!" or "When you're young you need to pay your dues so buck up and quit being picky!" These arguments totally ignore the fact that no one gets a job (or anything for that matter) they enjoy without being picky. We hear horror stories all the time about people settling for a job they needed rather than seeking a job they wanted and how they got stuck. Now imagine the same scenario only you aren't being paid! You only have one life. Why waste it because someone is trying to scare you into taking the first offer.

Here are some things you should think about when you are considering and unpaid internship.

1) Ask yourself: Why Should I Pay Them To Work?

No matter where you work you are going to have to spend money and time. There is a huge difference between volunteering at a theater two nights a week and volunteering at a publishing company 9-6 every day and some weekends, but it's very likely in the end both jobs will get you to the same place. One more job on your resume. Really think about it. These companies are getting more out of you than they give back. You wouldn't date a person who takes your credit card and always forgets your birthday would you?

2)Ask yourself: Why Do I Think I'm Worthless?

Many students devalue themselves to a ridiculous degree because they buy into lies that tell them they have no abilities. They often buy the line "I'm a student. What could I have to offer?" Well the answer is obviously something if someone is willing to let you into their office. If you were so valueless as an employee even volunteer groups wouldn't touch you. So start having some confidence in yourself and research what you should be paid at your level. Really think about your abilities and write them down. If you think you are lacking in something see how you can improve. It will go a long way. Not only will you be less likely to be taken advantage of, but you may find that the quality of the jobs you seek will improve.

3) Ask questions before you agree and get EVERYTHING in writing.

This is the most important step before agreeing to any work.
There seems to be this odd fear on the part of students about asking for the terms of employment. How can you be expected to do your job if you don't know what it is you should be doing? There are certain questions most employment counselors suggest you not mention until you have been offered the job. Mainly questions about pay and benefits. So while you shouldn't be bringing these up at the interview there's no reason you can't ask once you've been offered the position. In fact if you aren't asking these questions at all you could be giving yourself one huge headache in the future.

I know a lot of students who don't know the first thing about contracts and it is really hurting them. A contract isn't just about money. It's a layout of everything you agree to do for the company and everything the company agrees to do for you. Without one, you will essentially remain in the dark and that makes you easy to take advantage of and difficult for you to know if you are benefiting or not.

4) An Internship is a Job

Understand that internship is not another word for volunteer. A company must be clear with you from the get go if this is or is not a paid position. If you are under the impression that the internship is paid and the company has done nothing to tell you otherwise you MUST ask about the pay. Nothing could be worse than finding out two weeks into an internship that it is unpaid. If you ask about pay and suddenly the job offer disappears know that this is a warning sign. A company on the up and up would either have already told you it was unpaid or would have replied to your query.

Most important of all realise that you don't need that unpaid internship to get where you want to go. Sometimes avoiding them means you need to get more creative. However, this means that in the long run you'll have put in the same hours, but you'll have been reimbursed for your hard work.

And really that is what everyone deserves.
For more info check out 5 Tips for Handling Internships and What to do About Unfair Internships

I Loved My Barbie (And My Parent's Didn't Get It)

NOTE: does not depict typical use (image: Mark Ryden)

I loved my barbies growing up.

Well, let me clarify that. I loved my army of mohawked, tattooed amazons created from the many Barbie dolls I received as gifts.

But there was always a sort of contention surrounding the doll. I didn't know what the problem was until I was much older, but it always seemed like my parent's would have been happier if I had never touched the things in the first place.

At first they worried that I would get the wrong message from playing with the dolls. That somehow, from being exposed to the doll, I would come to believe that I should make myself look like her. Then, when I started to modify my barbies, they worried that I was going to treat people as badly as I treated my dolls. As if a child breaking a toy was unusual.

But really what did they know? Was it simply because of her vaguely human shape? Rainbow Bright is human shaped, but no one worries that their child will grow up to be a raver. As a child I never viewed Barbie as an example of femine beauty. I didn't dress like her because none of the women in my life were like that and she was a toy. Who wants to dress like their toys?

What I liked about Barbie was I could edit the hell out of her. I was free to change her however I wanted because she was designed so badly that her head would pop off after only a few brushes. I would hardly call that abusive. Besides, how did my parents know that she didn't want that tattoo of a giant eagle on her chest?

Ask any girl out there what she did with her barbies and I bet you anything she'll talk about cutting her hair, giving her tattoos or making her clothes with scraps and pipe cleaners.
But that's not what adults and parents think of when they see Barbie. They see a child playing with a Barbie and they think either, "That child is buying in to cultural femine norms." or inversely, "that child hates the cultural femine norms Barbie represents."

We really don't give credit to children at all. Worse this is basically Evolutionary Psychology at it's worst. There is no actual proof in any of these articles that girls "mutilate" a barbie doll because they are rejecting a stereotype. They "mutilate" these dolls because they fall apart easily. An adult may look at a Barbie and object to her underlying message, but a child looks at a Barbie and sees a blank canvas.

That's not to say that Barbie dolls don't carry dangerous baggage about feminity. They do, but then so do a lot of things in our society. It's a toy people! It only carries damaging baggage when parents encourage their girls to act like Barbie. It's more important that children have healthy and living role models and that they are allowed to treat a Barbie for what it is, a toy. Too often I hear about parents worrying over what it means when their child rips up and "mutilates" a Barbie doll. They feel like they should punish their girls for treating the doll badly. Like the doll is an actual person and they fear that this means that their girls will be violent against real people.

It's outrageous. If your child knowingly harms an animal that is an indicator that they will probably harm people. If your child modifies a toy because it fell apart that is healthy creative play. You know, the thing that makes them more likely to work out tough problems in adulthood? It also means that they won't hold up Barbie as any sort of ideal or model. If they did they would probably have never taken the toy out of the box to begin with.

Children are destructive. They like to take things apart to see how they work. They like to put their personal stamp on the things they own. To demand that a girl not treat her barbies like the toys they are only reinforces the concept that the Barbie model is somehow important. Which as so many adults like to point out, it's not.

Workplace Harassment

A few years ago I was a manager at a production company with a pretty even male/female split. When I started I loved working there because we had a great team of people and everyone respected one another. However, about two years in I started to get reports about sexual harassment. I figured it would be a quick fix since our department manager was very serious about harassment cases. We carefully screened our new hires and we make them fully aware that physical or verbal harassment of any kind was not allowed. Those who got it stayed and those that didn't were let go.

However, this case was different. Because in this case the victims were men and the perpetrators were women. It seemed that some women felt that "playful" touching and "teasing" was okay and despite being asked to stop would continue without abate. I received repeated complaints, and it always made me sad because the men seemed so ashamed that they had to complain in the first place.

Talking with the women didn’t help as none of them believed what they were doing was sexual or harassment. Even pointing out that when someone says stop they need to stop didn’t work. They honestly believed that nothing they could do, short of grabbing the guys junk, counted as sexual harassment. This is not what feminism is about. We are not supposed to create a role reversal, but rather have respect for one another and listen when someone says no.

When it became clear to me that talking and shifting schedules wasn’t working I took the issue to the department manager. He didn't believe it and refused to listen, claiming that a woman couldn't possible sexually harass a man. I was floored. We eventually lost a good deal of employees because the work environment had grown so toxic. I also eventually left because I couldn't continue to work in a place that didn't treat every employee with respect.

The biggest issue with this whole incident was simply that men aren't raised to see women as threats and women are raised to believe they cannot be a threat to a man. Men are not taught to view unwanted attention as creepy or indicative of possible violence the way women are. If a man acts like these women he is perceived as being a possible threat, but when a woman does it she is perceived as either being pathetic or flirty.

Neither of these behaviours are healthy for anyone involved. Men don’t speak up enough when they feel uncomfortable, for fear of being labelled a sissy or weak. Women engage in sexual misconduct because they don’t believe that what they are doing is wrong or at all similar to what men do. This belief is only reaffirmed when managers and employers treat cases of male sexual-harassment with less seriousness than female sexual-harassment.

Parental Advice: Is It Helpful?

As I begin the move from university grad to full-fledged adult, i.e. getting a job, I have been inundated with advice from my parents. Sometimes the advice comes when I'm only looking for support. But most of the time it comes when I'm discussing strategies. I think like all parents, mine give advice in the sort of way that brooks no argument. Of course they are right, they're parents. The thing is when you become an adult you start to realize that maybe your parents aren't the font of wisdom they think they are.

I clearly remember letting my Dad look over my first university paper. It took a ton of work and he said it was definitely an A. So then you can imagine my utter (and inevitable) disappointment when I received a big fat C.
At first all I could think was "but my Dad said it was an A!" I then stared to realize that parents are people, and people have opinions, and opinions should not be treated as facts. Now my father is a history professor so it wasn't like he didn't have the credentials to mark a paper. He's constantly marking student papers while writing his own. I figured he would be a great judge of what would take to write a great paper. But he was in history where I was in English and Visual Arts, and it really came down to he didn't know what my professors were looking for.

And really that is where most of the bad advice from my parents comes from, they don't know anything about the field I'm in. My parents are both well educated professionals, but neither of them knows the first thing about grant applications or how a theatre union works. While I realize that there are certain things that can be applied to any job hunt I would never presume to tell a engineering grad or a psychology grad how to look for a job or apply for a job specific to their career.

It may surprise you to know (because I was surprised when I found out) that almost every career track has its own way of doing things, from everything up to and including the resume. Actually the resume is a good example of what I am talking about. The resume format that is commonly taught is the general business model. It's good for everything from McDonald's fry cook to general office assistant, however once you start thinking of a specific career like theatre tech or graphic artist things get a lot different. Google "theatre tech CV" or "graphic artist resume" you'll see what I'm talking about. Resumes are tailored to each area. So what works for one won't work for all, but when you have parents who know nothing about your career track it's makes the advice you're getting even more confusing.

Case and point. In live production (well any place really) who you know will get you in to a job for which you might otherwise be passed over. But you have to let the employer know who you know. In my Mom's line of work you don't write it, you call after you send your cover letter and resume to let the employer know. I almost lost out on a job because I took my Mom's advice on this. In live production you just out and say, in your cover letter, "Bob Thompson said you were looking." But she didn't know that and neither did I, because I wasn't asking the people in my field for advice. Now I always check with someone in my field if I am unsure of what to do, but it doesn't make it easier to tell my parents they don't know what they are talking about.

I think this is because your whole life they have been an unquestionable authority. And it's worked until adulthood because you aren't doing anything outside of their knowledge zone. But when you become an adult and take a career path they are totally unfamiliar with, suddenly their advice seems foisted upon you, without your consent. Failure to follow their advice will ultimately lead to sighs about "if only you had listened." It makes you want to scream, "No, you need to listen! Your advice doesn't help for this type of job!"

Parental advice isn't useless, if you are entering a similar job market. However, when you're going where they've never even thought of before, you’re pretty much on your own.

Bravo's got a real Work of Art here

I'm at the half-way point of the new Bravo show "Work of Art," a reality show much in the vein of "Top Chef" only this time with artists.

I found the premise to be really interesting, I mean I have nothing in common with models or chefs, but I am an artist so I thought that maybe this show would appeal to me. Oh god no, that is not true at all. It's like a train wreck that I can't stop watching because I have to see if my predictions are true.

The entire show is just like the worst of university art programs all rolled into one show. What's wrong with it you ask?

Well to start with the tasks are incredibly vague and yet the judges will still claim that a particular artist didn't do what they were asked. In one particularly galling episode they take the artist for rides around NY City in Audi's and then ask them to create a work of art that shows that experience.
That's right, they wanted a piece of art based on a 20min car ride. Do you know what that means? I don't. Certainly I don't know what a representation of a feeling of taking a car ride would look like, so I could never say that someone failed to show it. But the judges do and then they change their minds about what the task was! After the works are finished! Now, as they walk the gallery judging the art, they say that the task was to create a "space." What the hell does that mean, "A space?"
But you see this sudden topic change happened because golden boy, Miles, who decided to take a nap while everyone else was working, created, in his words, "a quiet space." And they can not praise him enough. It really exposes how unaccepting of change these judges are, because Miles is just doing the same lazy "Modern" shit that has been done a million times before.

In addition to the vague and changing tasks, and their abnormal love for Miles, they also seem to be obsessed with seeing the pretty young female artist, Jaclyn, naked. They keep asking her to make herself "more open" and "more vulnerable" which seems to translate into naked because that's the only time they seem to like her work.
Okay that's not entirely fair, she did do a piece that involved men who were looking at her. But still what the judges liked was the fact that people were looking at her. They are obsessed with gazing and seeing other people gaze at this woman. It's rather disturbing because despite the fact that they act like high art critics they are pandering to the idea that only sex sells and that's all pretty women are good for.

The worst part of it all is just how boring and rushed the work is. No artist does their best work in under 24 hours, and yet that's what this show wants them to do. It causes good artists to create shitty and rushed work, and then criticize them for it. The only one who does well in this show is Miles because the judges love him so he can do whatever he wants. No seriously, he couldn't come up with an idea for one task so he copied a previous work of his and they said nothing!

If you are thinking about going into university for art, watch this show because that is what four years of your life is going to be like. Vague tasks, rushed work, useless critiques, and that one guy who doesn't try at all yet the prof loves everything they do. The real trick is the bullshit. By which I mean the artist's explanation of the work. In situations like this where the artist is disengaged from their work the explanation becomes bullshit spouted in an attempt to make the prof/judge think that it's deep. It makes you feel dirty. I know I hated myself every time I spouted a line just to get an A.

Despite it all the show is enjoyable enough. I mean things that get me fired up even in a bad way still entertain, but really it's just too boring to continue on to a second season. That's not to say that it won't. I mean "Top Model," "Top Chef," and "Project Runway" are all still going strong. This will just be another drop in the bucket. I'm only saddened by the fact that Bravo seems to be going the way of A&E. Remember when A&E did "Biography?" Ya, those were good times.

Issues of Privilege

The first time I took a First Nations literature class I was presented with a very difficult and heavy issue. We were given an article written by the leader of an anti-violence Native women’s group. In the article she recounts an incident where two trans-women attend her woman's only event and she asked them to leave. The event in question was a meeting aimed at discussing issues of violence against Native Women, especially the homeless.

Growing up in an environment that taught utter toleration and acceptance, I couldn't understand why these trans-women were asked to leave. Clearly no one else in my class could figure it out either. Some, who felt that trans-women were still men, stated that their original sex was the reason, but our professor claimed that was not the case. We were stumped and she refused to give us the answer.

So this has been a question that I have worked on for a very long time. I think now I understand why the author felt that these trans-women needed to be removed.

When the trans-women first enter they do so loudly, drawing attention to themselves. They are described as non-native and when they are quietly asked to leave they take issue with the request. With out hesitation they loudly proclaim that they deserve to be there.

They deserve to be there...

I had not thought of it before. This is because despite being taught about accepting all people I was never taught about privilege. I didn't understand, until I started taking gender and sexuality courses, that some people, because of how they look or their sex, are given preference over others. However, I also did not consider that sometimes even when we are on the outside, such as these trans-women, we can still have privilege over others. This is such the case with the Native women in this anti-violence group.

These women are marginalized more than most groups in North America. To be native and poor almost seems to mean that you are not worthy of human dignity. How then could they see these trans-women as anything less than a source of violence? And the fact that these women did not consider that they would not be welcomed is part of the problem with unconsidered privilege. They considered themselves outsiders and therefore without privilege, but that is not the case at all. Privilege is not just a two way street, where either you have it or you don’t. It’s more like a pyramid. There will always be someone with more privilege than you, but you also have to consider that there will always be someone with less privilege than you.

Genderbitch has an interesting article on the concept of Expectation of Trust which is the same issue. These trans-women had an unreasonable expectation that because they were also marginalized that they would be immediately trusted by another marginalized group. To believe that just because you have less privilege than one person does not mean that there is anyone with less privilege than you is selfish and unreasonable.

It wasn’t because they were trans that these women were sent away. It was because they flaunted their privilege in the face of some of the most marginalized people in North America. They did this without consideration and could not see past their own desires to see how they were only causing harm.