SEX: it's icky

What your sex life looks like to everyone else: strange and weird.

I was recently directed to an article called "Sex and the Fat Girl" where the writer points out that *gasp* fat people have sex too, and you shouldn't think it's gross or wrong. I agree wholeheartedly that no-one should think a sexual relationship between two consenting adults is wrong, but let me let you in on a little secret: sex is gross.

It doesn't matter what you look like or who you're doing I think we can all agree that real sex is not something most people actually want to look at or think about. It's all messy angles, awkward noises and uncomfortable looking movements. No one really wants to look at or think about real sex. Well, unless you want to talk about how bad and evil it is...in which case I feel you should be getting laid yourself as you spend far too much time thinking about other people's sex lives, but I digress. Real sex between real people is not what we think about when we think about sex. No, we think about ads and pornos and when we are confronted with real sexual activity that doesn't immediately mesh with those views we freak out.

We are so used to overly packaged and carefully orchestrated sexuality that we forget that reality doesn't look like that.

Old people doing it: gross, teenagers: gross, tall people: gross, men: gross, women: gross, any real person doing it: gross.

Sex is awesome, fun, wonderful, and something no person should feel ashamed for doing with another consenting adult, but really I don't want to think about other people doing it and I sure as hell don't want to watch another person doing it...unless of course I'm doing it with them too!

Questionable Advertising Mondays: MEN! Am I Right?

This week's questionable advertising is for Wrangler Jeans and it comes from the advertisement agency La Comunidad in Buenos Aires, Argentina.

You know when me talk about how men are discriminated against, but then go on to list things like "I can't get a drink by showing some leg" or "I don't get the door opened for me" and the like?

Well, men, these ads are the kind of thing you should be crying out against instead.


I mean just look:

Childish!

Disgusting!

Lazy!

Men! Amirite?

It's not like these ads are any less damaging then ones that tell women they are only homemakers, bitches and sluts. I mean really, think about it. Would you want someone to look at you and think, "God, what a lazy pig!" or "It's like you're a child!"?

I didn't think so.

Everyday advertisements portray men as pseudo-baby pigs and it's kind of getting old, especially with the renewal of the term "real man" or "real men." Like other than physically being male is not enough. (Hint: if you can be "real" than it's not natural)

This ad's slogan is "Returning Man to His Place." Now think about that for a second. What if this ad depicted a women cleaning a house or making dinner and the slogan was "Returning Woman to Her Place?" We'd be up in arms! That's bullshit and we know it, so then why aren't men getting pissed off when the media portrays them as barely sentient slobs who aren't even capable of buying a table (or making one)?

It's because these ads are all about the domestic sphere, that magical place where men can't do anything right. Underneath all this talk of manly men is another more sinister message that says, "this is women's work." Men can't clean or do laundry, that's women's work. Men can't properly take care of their pets, that's women's work. Men can't buy furniture (that's not electronic in some way), that's women's work.

People still believe this crap, and it is such crap. Men still say things like "I can't help myself" or "I'm supposed to be dirty." Really? Why? Because women are supposed to do it for you?

These ads are horrible, because in one fell swoop they managed to portray sexist attitudes against both men and women.

Men are pigs! Women you need to take care of them!
Now make me a sandwich!

Gifts and Examining Friendships During the Holidays

Ah Christmas time! It's a time for friends and family. It's also a great time to take a close look at your relationships.

We've all heard that what you give and what you get can have an impact on your relationship. We've also all been told that judging relationships on the presents you get is shallow. This is true, but only to an extent.

If you decide a friendship isn't working because a gift wasn't flashy or expensive enough then yes, you're being shallow, but if you feel like no thought was put into a gift then listen to that feeling.

The real judge of a friendship has nothing to do with the niceness/expensiveness of a gift, but rather with the thoughtfulness of the gift.

Case and point:
I knew a girl, we'll call Sally, who had an incident a few years ago. Sally spent a few days putting together a gift basket for her best friend since highschool, Katie. It didn't cost much to make, but Sally personally knew that her friend would like everything in it.

Then comes the gift exchange. Katie loves the gift basket, and Sally unwraps her gift to find...a one-of-a-million Christmas mug filled with no-name chocolates.

It's something you would expect from someone who barely knows you, not a best friend. Worse, Sally hates holiday mugs/dishes, something a best friend should know. Sally was hurt because it became clear to her that, dispite what she thought, Katie wasn't a very good friend.

The issue is, no matter what you're given, if there's no thought put into the gift you're going to feel disappointed. Worse, if you've put lots of thought into their gift then you're going to feel really hurt.

Despite how we're told not judge a person based on the gifts they give we do and it's not always a bad thing.

The deepness of our friendships can be reflected in the gifts we are given. It can also be a good indicator if the relationship is uneven. As in the example above it was clear that Sally thought more of their friendship than Katie did. It's obvious that they are not on the same page.

So when this happens we need to take a step back and think, "is this typical?" If it is, if your friend is more likely to take than give, then the relationship needs to be re-examined. It makes no sense to invest so much emotionaly in a friend when there's no return.

This may seem shallow, but it's not. Because, it's not the gift that's the problem it's the person behind it. If Sally was a collector of Christmas stuff then the mug would have been perfect, because it's something she likes and Katie would have picked it out for that reason. But Sally hates that kind of thing and has talked about it with Katie before, that means that not only does Katie not have any idea what Sally likes, but she doesn't even listen to what Sally hates. It shows a lazieness on Katie's part and a lack of concideration.

Watching for the signs of a bad friendship is not shallow because no one deserves to be in an unequal friendship.

I'm not saying you need to dump someone over a bad gift, but that you need to think about how it made you feel. If the gift made you feel uncared for then concider if the relationship is has the same problem.

If you find that there is a problem then you need to do something about it. Sometimes it means putting less into a relationship. Sometimes it means distancing yourself. And sometimes it means talking about it to your friend.

There is a flip side. Sometimes you can get a really thoughtful gift, but you barely know the person. This can also be a warning sign that this person is more invested in you then you are ready for.

If you haven't known someone for a very long time and they give you a DVD box set of your favorite show, when you were only thinking about getting them a card, then you need to consider how you feel about this person.

After receiving the gift, instead of immediately running out and buying something expensive to reciprocate, think about it. If you like them and think you could be friends with them, then find something you think they would like.

However, if the idea of spending time with them makes your skin crawl or makes warning lights go off, distance yourself. Return the gift, explaining that you don't feel right accepting it. Make it clear to them that they have gone beyond your comfort zone, and if they try to guilt you ignore it. Don't let people guilt you into action. We all need to stay far, far away from those kind of people.

Now I'll leave you with a few gift ideas and tips for this winter holiday season:

Co-Workers (CW):

I tend to become friends-friends with the people I like from work so they get gifts. But if you have team-mates or a boss you want to give something to, make it a nice card or give them some good quality candy/nuts/chocolate.

Brand New Friends (BNF):

It's likely you don't know much about them yet so anything home made like cards or baked goods is a good idea. If you're not very domestic then buy something small (under $20) that you think they will like.

Can't find anything you think they'll like? Then share your interests. If you like green living get them a book about it, if you love local art get them a cheep print, and so on. Tell them about how you like X and say you wanted to share it with them. It may not be their taste, but they'll like that you're sharing your interests with them.

Old Friends (OF):

It seems like a no brainer. Just get them something they'll like, but with the recession things can be tight and you can't always get them what you want to. So instead of just grabing them a box of chocolates here are some ideas for the financially-impaired:

-Holiday Card list: Make a print, buy some nice blank cards, or get some stationary. Write a letter/note to your friends. It doesn't cost much and it's a super nice sentiment.

-Invite over for dinner. Feeding someone always will put you in their good books.

-Make something like an ornament or scarf. Anything that smacks of effort is a winner.

-Call them, they are your friends after all. They do like to talk to you.

So this holiday take the time to think about your friends, but also accept that gifts say more than the obvious. Don't supress your feelings, it's not being selfish when you recive a gift that seems thoughtless and you feel hurt, it's seeing a warning sign. In the long run it's better to really look at how healthy your relationships are and deal with them when they're not.

Employment scams while on the job hunt

I am in the midst of a career change to marketing, which means I'm looking at a lot entry-level job postings. Problem is most of these postings are less about marketing and communications and more about cold calling and door to door work. Most of these places don't even offer wages, just commission which is BS.

The up side is that these companies are often terrible at hiding how sketchy they are. Still even those who ignore the "WORK ATH OME FOR BIGG BUKxS!!!!" ads can still get sucked in by mildly legit looking places, often disguising themselves as "start-up business."

To help out all those job seekers out there I'm going to give you a few tips based on my own horrible experiences:

1. Check the Website:
If it looks less than professional, is missing a lot of company information, or just plain doesn't exist don't even bother applying. You are only going to end up wasting your time and money showing up for an interview.

2. Check the job description *thoroughly*:
If it's really vague, short, or uninformative as to the job requirements it might be a scam, If it promises a chance for unqualified people it's probably a scam. If the grammar, spelling and font is terrible or all over the place it's definitely a scam.

Real companies take the time to properly write out a job post. It's the fly-by nights or the places with huge turn over that don't bother so you shouldn't either.

3. They call you immediately:
Most legit companies do hiring in blocks and often it can take a few days to a few weeks before you hear back from them. This is often because they first accept the applications, review the applications and then start scheduling interviews. This takes time, so when a company calls or emails me right away up to two days after I have sent in an application I get suspicious and every time my suspicions have been confirmed.

A company that calls you right away normally isn't very picky about who they hire because they know it's a crap job with horrible conditions. Now do you really want to work for a company that knows you're going to leave them within a few weeks or months? Not really.

4. They won't tell you what your job entails:
If you do go to an interview ask this question: "what would I be doing for the company?" If they give you a crap line that doesn't sound like a job description ask them: "What are the exact duties this job requires?" if they still don't tell you, thank them for their time and leave because no reputable company is going to refuse to tell you what your job is.

Do this especially if they are asking you to come in for a second interview. An interview is not just about you getting a job, but about you finding a place you want to work. If you don't even know what your job will be how can you decide if this is the place for you? Companies that do this are preying on people who are desperately looking for work. They will either get your labour for free or they'll charge you to "sell" their product.

They won't tell you what you'll do? Just walk away.

5. Even after getting a job offer they refuse to discuss wages:
This is a big red flag! If you've gone through everything and it all seemed up and up this little sign means big problems. Once a company has offered you a job you are entitled to know the terms of employment. Which means there's no reason for them to refuse discussing things like hours, benefits and wages. If they refuse to give you information via email thank them for the offer and decline. If they say you need to come in for an info session first thank them for the offer and decline.

A place like that is just screaming they're going to take advantage of you.


There's lots of other things you can do, but if you keep these in mind you'll save yourself some time and money that would otherwise be wasted.

Sorry!

Sorry about not posting very much this week.
I got some distressing news earlier this week and I haven't been able to post.
I will be back Monday with a new questionable ad!

Questionable Advertising Monday: Pedo Sun

This week's questionable advertising is for Roc sun screen and comes from the advertisement agency DDB in Milan, Italy.

It's not the usual questionable depiction one is used to in advertisements where ad agencies seem to have forgotten it is not still 1953. No, this one is...





apparently implying that the sun is some kind of child molester.

There is really no other way to look at it. This isn't a depiction where the sun is physically harming children or acting like some kind of bully. No, these ads depict a rather predatory looking sun offering two children toys as some kind of incentive to get closer.

But the toys alone aren't really enough to ruin this ad for me. Rather, it's the way the sun looks at the audience with a sort of knowing grin. It's just unsettling.

I suppose the ad is successful in that it depicts how a sunny day can tempt children outside regardless of the possible harm of UV rays, but I'd rather not imagine the sun then trying to play a game of "hide the pickle" afterwards.

The ad's slogan is “protect them from sun,” but god if I don't read it as "never let them outside again."

Awesome Book Review Friday: Fun Home (A Family Tragicomic)

This week's book is Alison Bechdel's Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic. It's a graphic novel, but that doesn't change the fact that it is a worthwhile read.



Alison Bechdel, the writer and illustrator of "Dyke's to Watch Out For," paints the story of her childhood, more specifically the relationship between herself and her father, while using her childhood home as a frame. She writes in a liner and yet non-liner fashion. Some chapters start at the beginning of one point and then end, while other are turned inside out starting at the end, returning to the beginning and then continuing on back to the end. The result is a beautiful, honest and painful autobiography.

Alison narrates the story as an adult giving new insight into her childhood relationships. It is by no means a fun or easy story to read, as there are clear and painful scars that she carries, but it is an insightful tale of a girl growing up with a closeted and abusive father and becoming a woman who comes to terms with her own sexuality.

It is an important book because it unflinchingly looks at issues many wish childhood didn't include such as sexuality, gender restraints, masturbation, abuse and suicide. Even more importantly it examins the ways we begin to realise as we grow up that our parents are people and have lives and feelings we can not comprehend. Alison Bechdel exposes her difficult childhood and it is a potent reminder that childhood isn't anything like how we depict it. That it is a difficult and scary time, but it is also the time that helped us to become who we are.

This book is a definite read, despite all the sadness it leaves you with the positive message that you will overcome all this, and you will be better for it.